Can Purell be used as lube?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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