I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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