Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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