Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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