Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
