erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
