Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
