Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
