now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
