got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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