Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
