it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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