I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
