The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
