Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize