plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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