I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Randomize
