you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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