My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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