Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
