don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
