Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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