I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
