i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
worst night to have a conscience
she peed on how many people?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
