Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
