Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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