I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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