is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
