My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
