Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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