I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize