4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
