yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
