when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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