Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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