i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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