Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
