Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
