Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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