I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
