You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
