hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
