Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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