if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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