I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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