i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
