He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
