Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
