Porn is love you can see.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
