just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
