At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
