so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
