Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
