Me too!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
