i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
