Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
