new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize