What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
