I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
