fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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