Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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