Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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