You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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