I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
