I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
