I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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