ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

  Fav 12 5264 1611

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??

  Fav 9 2533 1368

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

  Fav 7 4144 1275

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.

  Fav 5 2574 992

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door

  Fav 10 2171 1356

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.

  Fav 5 1327 588

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist

  Fav 0 938 606

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?

  Fav 2 739 531

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.

  Fav 0 789 535

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing

  Fav 1 543 508

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot

  Fav 2 370 567

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.

  Fav 0 54 5

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful

  Fav 0 60 8

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?

  Fav 1 30 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.

  Fav 0 70 22

  share tweet
  

Randomize