OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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