If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
