haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
