there's paper in my vomit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
