I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
