As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
